You're Not a Bad Person, You're a Parent
In 2021, I started a TikTok account just for fun. I did not care who saw it. Honestly, it was just a way to scream into the void and make funny jokes that I knew no one I knew would see. I just started posting my thoughts. Then in February of 2022, I had a video suddenly get a lot of attention.
In the back of your head you know that going viral is a possibility, but it's not what you're striving for because it's so rare. It's so rare to make a piece of content that quickly goes viral, explodes and a lot of people resonate with. And I accidentally did that.
There's this feeling as a parent you get when you wake up on maybe a Saturday morning and your kids are still asleep, and the house is quiet. You know the kids should be awake by now and you think, “Oh, this is great! I've got a few minutes. I can drink my cup of coffee in silence before the chaos begins.” And so you make a cup of coffee and you get this feeling where you think, “okay, either my kids are dead or abducted because there's no reason for them to still be asleep.” You start freaking out internally; “I like having this quiet cup of coffee, but do I want to go potentially mess up this quietness by opening the door to see if my kids are okay?”
Because if they are okay, the second you open the door they're going to pop out of bed, and then the insanity of the day ensues. So you continue you drinking your coffee and internally you are thinking, “Wow, my children might be dead, but this cup of coffee is so good and the silence is so nice. Honestly, if they are dead, this will be the worst day of my life, so I might as well finish my cup of coffee.”
That's a feeling that a lot of parents apparently get. I didn't know that when I made this video with that simple thought. And suddenly 2 million views later, it’s been something that's resonated with people, and I did not expect that. I wasn't seeking that. I wasn't searching for it. But it let me know that there are a lot of parents out there that are like me.
We're not perfect.
We know we're not perfect. And honestly, striving for perfection seems like a waste of time. We are average. And so I want to talk to the average parent. That's why I am here. My name is Justin and I have decided to be a parenting cheerleader. Someone posted a comment on one of my videos on TikTok and said when they describe my content to their friends, they describe me as a parenting cheerleader.
When I read that, I thought, “That's it. This is my personality. It's who I want to be.” I don't want to tell you how to parent. I don't want to give you strategies on how to get your kids to eat their food or whatever. I'm just here to cheer you on and say you're not doing nearly as bad as you think you are.
When I am struggling, I just want someone to tell me that I'm not alone. That I'm not the only parent out there who feels like garbage most days, who yells at their kids and then feels like a complete lunatic and is overcome with guilt. I'm not the only parent out there who's really struggling to be as good as we possibly can be, knowing that perfection is impossible.
And so this is for you. My content is for the person who is parenting young children, who doesn't know what they're doing, who is overwhelmed with parenting advice and strategies, and just needs to know they're not alone. Because ultimately, you're not a bad person. You're just a parent. You're not someone who is a bad friend, a bad spouse a bad employee, etc.
You're not bad.
You're just a parent. And being a parent makes all those things so difficult. It makes it hard to control your anger. It makes it hard to eat right. It makes it hard to just be happy in some ways. Yes, we love our children. They make our lives better in a million different ways. But all of these different aspects of us outside of being parents tend to take a backseat so that we can better take care of our children. There's a million of us out there just trying to do our best, knowing that we're not going to be perfect. So this place is for you.
I also want to let you know what I'm not here for. I am not here to give you advice on how to be a better parent in regard to parenting your children. I don't have good advice for how to get your children to eat their entire meal and eat the healthy food you want them to.
I don't have advice on how to help your children not fight on the playground or pick on their sister or anything else. I don't have advice for that. I am clueless and, honestly all the advice I was getting on social media from parenting experts was overwhelming to me. And if you're like me, you don't want to hear it. You've tried all the strategies and you've just resolved to do your best. And that's what we're doing here. I'm just telling you what I found to be true in my life to help you feel better about being a parent.
I'm a cheerleader. I'm not a coach.
I'm not here to fight for relevance. There are a million voices on social media. I did not think I had anything special to say until my Tik Tok got some attention and I thought, “Wow, maybe there are some things I can say to encourage others,” but I'm not here to fight for relevance. You won't see me in the comments trying to further explain my point or attempting to get you on my side if you don't like what I'm saying. If you don't agree with me, I don't care if you're here. Peace out; this isn't for you. And I'm not going to sit here and fight to be the loudest voice in the parenting world. I am here for a select few. And if that's you, I'm glad you're here.
Finally, I'm not here for me. About a year ago, I had a friend at work that wanted to start a podcast and I talked her out of it. I said, “What do you think we have to say that hasn't already been said? What do you think we can offer to the world that isn’t already being offered?”
I'm not here because I think I’m awesome and can change the world. If that video on my Tik Tok account didn't gain some traction, I wouldn't think I had anything special to say, and I still don't think I do. All I'm here to do is let you know you're not alone. We're the same in many ways and you don't need feel bad about yourself when you struggle as a parent, when you make bad choices, when you yell at your kids, when you lose your temper, etc. You're not a bad person, you're just a parent. And being a parent is hard. So that's what I'm here for. I'm not here for me. I'm here for you. So let me tell you what I am here for.
I am here to encourage you to be a parent in a better way.
We are not just parents, we are employees. We are spouses or partners. We are children. We are uncles, we are aunts. We are all these different things. We are human. And when you become a parent, all the other aspects of you take a back seat, and that's normal. That's absolutely acceptable. I'm here to help you gain some of those things back, to make some good choices along the way that can help you be a better spouse while you're trying to parent, or be a better employee while you're trying to parent, and also be more forgiving when you're not; to let yourself have some grace when you struggle in those areas.
I'm here for is community. I'm not here to be famous because I know that's impossible. All I'm here to do is to create a space for people like me who are trying to be good parents, and they're struggling- the people who are overwhelmed with parenting advice, that are tired of seeing the perfect parents on social media. I'm here to help you feel like you're not alone. If you go over to my TikTok, you're going to see there's thousands of people who have found a safe place on my page.
We've built this community of people that are real. We're not trying to fool anybody. We're not perfect, and you're not alone. So this is what this is for. Its for the community of parents who are trying to do their best, knowing they can’t be perfect, who simply want to know that they're not the only ones that are struggling. Which leads me to my last point.
I'm not here for me.
I'm here for you. The most encouraging thing about TikTok for me has been seeing people who suddenly realize they're not the only ones who feel this way. They're not the only ones who struggle in this area. Many of my videos are about funny little things that happen to me as a parent. It's so encouraging to hear so many people say, “Wow, that's me too. I thought I was alone. I'm in the same boat. Don't feel bad. I've been worse.” And so I'm finding that being vulnerable helps you more than it helps me. I want you to feel like you're not alone because you're doing great. I believe 90% of parents are doing fine. Aside from the few that are abusive or neglectful, most parents are doing good enough to raise reasonably well adjusted adults. They love their kids. They mess up. They try and do better the next day. And that's you. I want you to feel connected and I want you to feel loved and cared for. And I think this is a space for you to do that because most of us feel like we suck. We feel like we're so bad at being a parent.
I had a whole lot of confidence before I became a parent. I was good at a lot of different things and the things I wasn't good at, I didn't do. As an adolescent I was great at speech and band and theater and all the things you get made fun of for. I wasn't good at sports, so after mandatory physical education ended for me in 6th grade, I didn't do sports anymore. If I was bad at something, I avoided it, and instead channelled my energy into something I was good at. With parenting, you can't do that. You can become a deadbeat, and just check out and be a terrible person, but you can’t just quit without serious ramifications. The rest of us, when we realize are bad at parenting, we choose to keep going. We can’t stop. We cannot step away from it to figure it out.
We have to build the plane as it's flying.
I want you to know that if you feel like you suck, you don’t. You're probably doing about as well as most parents, and that’s pretty good. I’m sure you're doing better than you think. It's just hard- it's really hard. So if you're sitting there at the end of the day after you put the kids to bed, and you've messed up a million times, and you think, “Man, I suck at being a parent.” I guarantee that you are better than most parents just because you think you suck.
The worst parents don't think they're bad parents. The worst parents are the ones who think they have it all together. I am here to tell you you're not even close to the worst parent. I'm here to tell you the simple fact that you have the self-awareness that you could be better lets me know that you're a good parent and you are welcome here.
I'm here to cheer you on. I'm here to say you're doing great. If you want to follow along, I'd love for you to do that. Check out my social media links at the top to stay in the loop there. Here on this page I'm going to be posting blogs that I hope encourage you, inspire you, and help you believe, “hey, I'm not the only one who is struggling. I'm not the only one who doesn’t have it all together. I'm not the only one who's overwhelmed by the perfect parents on social media.” That's what I want for you, and I hope you'll follow along for that.