A Lesson About Relationships from Beyoncé

Because I am a Texas native and Houston resident, Beyoncé is the person in pop culture that I am most excited to celebrate as a celebrity Texan. Matthew McConaughey is cool and we share the Texas Longhorns as our alma mater, but he cannot compare to Bey. Kelly Clarkson, the original American Idol, calls Texas her home state, but even her star power fades a little when placed beside our dear Beyoncé. Texas has no shortage of huge stars in music, movies, sports, and politics, but Beyoncé Giselle Knowles stands head and shoulders above them all.

But I am not here to convince you to feel the same way as I do about this woman. I am here to let you know that in the last couple of weeks, Beyoncé has taught me something meaningful about relationships. You may have seen her big commercial during the Super Bowl a few weeks ago teasing new music. That was more than just a line in a script; it turned out to be a reality no one was prepared for. Unbeknownst to us, the day before this commercial first aired, Beyoncé quietly dropped a new track on streaming platforms. Most of us are familiar with “Single Ladies” or classics like “Say My Name” from her days with Destiny’s Child. One might expect that she would release a song similar to some of these songs or music she has been making recently which has catapulted her into the highest realms of fame and fortune. Instead, she dropped a country song called “Texas Hold ‘Em.” Within a week, our Queen made history by becoming the first black woman to top the country charts. After struggling at first to get airplay on local country radio because they did not believe Beyoncé to be a country artist, radio station managers saw the light (and the dollar signs) and began to spin this new record so much, and stream numbers became so high, that she made history within the first week.

But what surprises me most about her new music is how readily her fans embraced her departure from the norm.

My TikTok feed became full of young people who, at first glance, did not appear to care about country music. Suddenly the coolest looking and most diverse group of people began to don cowboy gear, create line dance choreography, and otherwise celebrate a music genre that, I can only assume, was entirely uninteresting to them before Beyoncé shared her country music with the world. If you’ve listened to any recent music of hers, you know this transition truly is wild for the fans who have come to know and love her. What I am seeing online is a huge population of music fans who previously could not have cared less about country music suddenly embrace the new music from Beyoncé simply because it comes from Beyoncé. The worldwide devotion of her fans to flip their music tastes on a dime to celebrate what she has done is truly astounding, and it is revealing to me some insight about long term relationships, especially for those who are parents.

No one is the same person they were ten years ago.

In marriage and other long term relationships, it would be unnatural for a person to remain unchanged by the trials and transitions of life. Add a few years of parenting, and the chances of your partner being the same person you stood at the altar with dwindle to zero. You cannot add tiny humans to your daily life and expect a person to stay the same. The only parents who never change are the one who abandon the responsibility entirely and ditch the family. For those that stick around, you simply cannot wipe poop off of another person’s bottom one thousand times and remain unchanged as a person.

Anyone who gets divorced because their partner “is just not the same person they were when we got married” seems surprised at the change. I am here to tell you that no parent is the same person they were ten years ago. As our partners change, they may become someone that we don’t fully connect with in the same way that we did previously, but that does not mean the relationship is not worth continuing into the future. It does not mean that the person they are now is not worthy of our continued devotion. Sure, if they change into someone who is abusive or otherwise harmful, that is a different story. But simply changing from the person you first came to know and love is not a good reason to give up on your parenting partner.

Don’t just tolerate change; find a way to celebrate it.

Beyoncé just did what could only be described as a complete 180 degree departure from what her fans know and love her for. Yet her followers from across the world not only tolerate her change, they are embracing and celebrating this new direction. The shift she has made for this season is exciting and, although her fans may not be country music supporters, they are Beyoncé supporters, and will cheer her on wherever she goes.

I am not advocating that we grin and bear it while our partners depart from who they were when we first came to know them. I am encouraging anyone in a long term relationship with a person who is a decent human being to celebrate the changes they see in their partner. Just because Beyoncé’s current music is not what her fans loved about her to begin with, they are buying cowboy boots and calling their local country radio stations to cheer on the woman they have come to adore.

Has your spouse taken a sudden interest in pickleball? Pick up a paddle and join them or cheer them on from the sidelines. Do you have a partner who is itching to try out a new career? Work with them to plan out a reasonable way in which you both can put in the work to make that change possible. There are surely deal breakers and red flags, but in general, many of the changes a person makes throughout their life are as innocuous as shifting from R&B to Country Music. The new things your partner seeks may not be your cup of tea, but you don’t have to share their interest in order to show your enthusiasm.

Beyoncé took a fairly large risk making such a shift in her career, but she felt safe in the arms of her fans. She knew those who have supported her over the years would cheer her on in this change. The confidence she had in her people to come along on the journey could have been the source of the strength she needed to experiment with such a change.

When your spouse finds the courage to chase new things, your willingness to support and cheer on their exploration might be the difference between growing apart or growing together. Be careful with your words, your tone, and your facial expressions, because as the most important person in their life, you have the power to fan their flame or snuff out their candle as they look toward becoming a different version of themselves.