Text Them When You Think About Them

If I were to make a list of the most terrifying natural disasters, wild fires would be very close to the top. Growing up in tornado alley, and now living in Houston, I have a healthy fear of devastating storms, but a raging fire consuming the landscape around your home surely is a special kind of horror.

Currently a large portion of the Texas panhandle is on fire, and first responders from around the nation are convening there to fight the blazes 24/7, seeking to get them contained. Whenever something like this makes the news, my first inclination is to comb through my mental list of contacts to determine if I know anyone that could be impacted by the situation. Although there is almost literally nothing I can do for anyone facing one of these catastrophes, in my mind, at least reaching out to check on anyone that may be impacted is a small gesture of care. When I saw the news Tuesday morning about the spreading flames, the first people I could think of that had any connection to the panhandle were some friends with whom my wife and I have a monthly game night. One of them has family in the panhandle, and when I reached out to check on how their relatives were doing, I learned that his parents were close to the blaze, and faced a scary afternoon trying to evacuate, only to find all roads closed due to smoke. Fortunately, a couple of months ago there was a “prescribed burn” that ended up creating a line that cut off the fire to the south of my friend’s childhood home. All was well, and my friend thanked me for checking in.

Ultimately, reaching out to check on my friends didn’t do much, but I believe it is the thought that counts.

For many years, I struggled to think of anyone other than myself. Actually, it wasn’t so much that I didn’t think about people, I just didn’t bother to reach out to anyone if I did think about them. When some friend I hadn’t spoken to in years randomly popped into my brain, I brushed the thought aside. If I saw something in the news that could have impacted someone I cared about, I rarely thought to check in and see how they were doing. Something that still shames me to this day is how I handled the death of a dear friend’s father just a couple of years out of college.

During my four years at The University of Texas, I found myself in a very tight knit group of friends that made college some of the best years of my life. Karaoke nights, dinners at Chili’s, and free lunches at the Baptist Student Ministry all are cherished memories because I was blessed with some of the funniest and most kind friends I could have ever imagined. And most of them happened to be girls. I had a few good guy friends, but some of my most meaningful relationships in college were with platonic female friends. This was great for me because they rarely forced me to talk about sports (of which I knew nothing) and were always up for any musical theatre movie night or arts and crafts party I wanted to throw.

Unfortunately, what that meant for us after I got married is that I suddenly felt that continuing any sort of meaningful connection with these ladies was not allowed. My wife never forbade me from talking to anyone or doing anything with anybody, but the idea of calling up an old female friend to catch up somehow felt borderline inappropriate. After a few years, I truly lost touch with these friends, but saw on social media that the mother of one of these women passed away. After what felt like a long time of not connecting, I felt incredibly uncomfortable with the thought of reaching out to check on my friend. Not only did I feel like I did not know what to say in the face of such immense grief, I assumed that after going a few years without talking, my concerned phone call would come across as insincere. So I didn’t call. And that was stupid.

Reaching out to someone you know who is suffering is never a bad idea.

I wish someone would have told me that back then, but I know it now. And I know it because my own father died a couple of years ago. When that happened, a few people from my past reached out just to let me know they were thinking about me or praying for me. My high school best friend, with several children of her own, even drove a few hours to go the funeral. only to find out she was a week early, and was unable to come on the correct date. Even though I didn’t see her in person, her gesture to rearrange her life to come to my dad’s funeral, even though we had not spoken in years, touched me in significant ways. And then there were the college friends who drove hours themselves on the day of the funeral to support me, only to be rewarded with 30 seconds of my time and a quick hug since that day was so busy. They barely even got to say anything to me, but their presence was a kindness that almost overwhelmed me. By facing my own loss, I came to understand that when troubles arise, it is never a burden to receive a text or a phone call from a friend letting someone know they care. Even if in the moment they cannot respond, the memory of a friend taking time to check in will warm their heart months or years later.

But a person doesn’t have to be in crisis for you to reach out to them.

I am working now to reach out to friends more often when they cross my mind randomly, unrelated to national news of disasters or social media posts about losing relatives. If a memory of a person skips across my consciousness, I am trying to become the type of person to send an out-of-the-blue text to let them know. I understand that sometimes it will be awkward, causing me to reach out to people that I have not connected with for many years, but I am going to work to do it more often. And I think you should too.

Fortunately, it doesn’t even need to be that hard. I have a dear friend who I only see once a year, but when I post something on Instagram, she is always one of the first people to like it. Without fail, she expresses her support and friendship by simply pressing a button on a phone. Sometimes she comments, but more often than not, it’s just a little notification that she double tapped on my picture. It is a simple, but effective way for my friend to let the people she cares about know that she cares. In this day and age, even beyond sending a random text, liking or commenting on a friend’s post is an incredibly easy way to let that friend know that you see them and you care about them.

With modern technology, the only reason not to let friends know you care about them is selfishness.

At this point, there is no good excuse not to reach out to friends to let them know you’re thinking about them. It just comes down to whether or not you can make the tiniest amount of effort. Whether it’s a family member facing a natural disaster, or an Instagram post about a delicious dinner, acknowledging your friend with your words, even if only in the digital space, is a thought that truly does count.