There comes a point in every marathon where a runner’s body is aching all over, they are more exhausted than they ever thought possible, and if they don’t find a toilet soon, there will be poop everywhere.

Parenting is no different.

My algorithm recently sent me some incredible videos of people running the Boston Marathon, and I loved seeing the inspirational stories of guides leading blind runners, senior citizen participants finding their spouses in the crowd, and finishers crossing hours after everyone receiving cheers for achieving something great, regardless of how long it took. It reminded me of a creator on social media who once answered the question, “why bother having kids?” with the most profound metaphor I have ever heard. (I’ve tried to find the original video to credit the creator, but I have failed).

She talked about how when you run a marathon, it is truly a difficult task, with many highs and lows on the journey. But at the end, when you look back, you achieved something incredible, and you are stronger mentally and physically for having completed the task.

Sure, parenting offers immediate gratification with children who love us and make us laugh, but there are few people who enjoy every second of the journey. Anytime I post a video about the hard parts of parenting, childless adults enter my comments and wonder loudly why I even bothered to have children if was going to complain about it. If you know someone like that, or you are someone who feels that way, let me offer you some insight into how I and millions of other parents feel.

To begin with, parenting is the only task in the world that, once you begin, the only options for quitting are immoral, negligent, or shameful. There is no other job that has such high stakes if you want to quit. For anyone who wonders why a parent would have kids and then complain about being a parent, it is hard to know how difficult the job is until you are actually living it. And at that point, quitting leads to trauma and legal strife for everyone involved.

Furthermore, the idea that good things shouldn’t be hard is an idiotic mindset that I feel more and more people adhere to. Simply because a task or a job is difficult does not justify quitting. The good that comes from parenting for the long haul not only benefits your children and your parenting partner, but it benefits you. Recently I had the luxury of going on a trip on my own and when it came time to pick a restaurant at the airport, it was so odd to make my choice without having to consider if the menu included one of the three things my children will actually eat: quesadillas, pizza, or chicken strips. I had become so used to considering the needs and preferences of other people that it was strange to pick something just for me. I am not saying that there aren’t people without children who live selfless lives focused on the needs of others, but without kids, I do not think I would ever reach a point where my default was to consider someone else before myself. Selfishness runs deep in me, and parenting ripped that part out of me and tossed it into the gutter. And that is a good thing! Parenting is hard, but I am a better man in multiple ways because of it.

Finally, much of our self confidence in life comes from tackling difficult tasks, and coming out on the other side. Climbing mountains, writing books, and, yes, running marathons are all difficult things to complete, but immensely satisfying to achieve. Looking back on parenting, when my kids have launched out into the real world, I’m going to look my wife in the eyes and say, “We freaking did it!” We will have completed one of the hardest things humans can do: raising children into functioning adults. I understand that parenting never truly ends, but based on the amount of vacations I see the generation above us taking, I believe that parenting eventually becomes something you can put on the back burner. And when we get to that point, for those of us that don’t quit, we can say we reached a pinnacle of human achievement.

We won’t get a medal or cross a finish line with the roar of the crowd ringing in our ears, but we will get to sleep in and choose a restaurant for a celebratory lunch that does not serve quesadillas, pizza, or chicken strips. Unless you’re like me at the airport and end up choosing Chickfila anyway. But it will be your choice! And the victory will taste sweet.

Parenting is a Marathon

Parenting is no different.