My stepdad used to yell at my brothers and me a lot, going from zero to rage quickly over the dumbest little things. Now that I am an adult living with children that commit any number of offenses that grate on my nerves and/or trigger me in a variety of ways, I think my stepdad had an undiagnosed mental illness. My feelings when my kids drive me crazy might be similar to what he experienced, but my reactions aren’t quite as severe. This doesn’t mean I don’t get riled up, but it does mean I can see how someone with a thread or two less of mental fortitude might fly off the handle when the kids start bickering over who gets to hold the tv remote for the 600th time this week.

To be fair to my stepdad, I have some tools that were not available to parents in the 90s, most notably, a computer in my pocket that can help me disassociate from reality and the chaos in my home whenever I want. Music, podcasts, social media, articles, and an infinite number of other distractions are available to me. When my kids get loud, I throw in my air-pods and find some auditory distraction. When I find myself on the brink of losing it when my kids are driving me up the wall, I toss them an iPad, get out my own phone, and scroll until I forget where I am. Having this escape easily accessible helps me keep from losing my cool, and if my stepdad had the ESPN app on a smartphone, maybe he would have been a little more chill as well.

As with any good thing, however, I believe something positive (like the infinite access to all of human knowledge on a tiny screen in our pockets) can also turn sour. I often find myself staring at my phone, ignoring my children for too long, and I assume that many parents end up in a similar predicament. To be clear, I do not believe that parents have a responsibility to be fully engaged with their children as long they are awake. I feel no obligation to focus my energy on them at all hours, or deprive myself of escapes into mindless pursuits to temporarily avoid chaos. I just think we could all do this a little less in 2025.

I don’t make resolutions or large sweeping goals. Parenting has kicked me in the shins so often that simply making it through most days without experiencing a meltdown (from me or my kids) is my primary aim. But this year, I think I am going to try to look at my phone just a little less, and stare at my kids a little more. When I am bored, instead of pulling out my phone, if my kids are in eyesight, I’m going to try and watch them for a few minutes.

My kids were recently enjoying some scooter time in a vacant parking lot near our house. They are too young to simply turn loose into the neighborhood, but all they need is an adult presence to keep an eye out for potential human traffickers. As long as I’m nearby, they can manage themselves well. After only a few minutes, being a chaperone for my kids quickly becomes boring, and I usually pull out my phone. On this particular day, I decided to put down my phone more frequently throughout the afternoon, and simply watch my kids play. I didn’t feel the need to engage with them or entertain them. I chose to simply look at them instead of my phone. I watched my son for several minutes dig in the dirt near some bushes to find some “food” he was going to put in a pretend kitchen he and his sister were creating.

I realized that I wasn’t missing anything by putting my phone down. On the other hand, by staring at my phone, I often miss the opportunity to observe a sweet moment or capture a simple memory of my kids just being kids. In 2025, I’m going to try to stare at my kids more. Have you ever looked at your kid as they watched TV? They make a dozen simple little facial expressions every minute as they process the content. And when I stare at my phone while they watch a show that does not interest me, I miss those moments.

Or do you ever hear your kids quietly playing in their room? This is rare in our home, but if I can somehow sneak a peak at what they are doing, I find my daughter setting up her horses in a little stable, or dressing her Barbies in new fashions. I know that there will come a day very soon when she does not play like this, so I am trying to silently creep on her from around the corner as much as possible.

And I know we’ve all stared at our children while they were sleeping. This is probably the parenting habit that is most socially unacceptable in any other context. If you admit to staring at anyone else while they sleep and you’re a stalker. Staring at your own kid while they sleep? You are simply just like every other parent on earth. Watching our kids sleep is always a treat, forming a cherished memory of their sweet little faces. More than once I have snapped a photo of my precious angels, knowing that as soon as their feet hit the ground in the morning, they will return to terrorizing their sibling and begging me for snacks.

All I’m saying is that if you ever have the chance to surreptitiously stare at your kids while they go about their day, you should do it. Your phone will always be there, with new and pointless content to drain your mind of original thoughts like a vampire feasting on its victim. But your kids will one day be gone, and your days of staring at them, committing their behaviors and facial expressions to memory, will be over.

So in 2025, pick up your phone a little less, and stare at your kids a little more.

Stare at Your Kids, Not Your Phone