I saw a video on TikTok recently of a woman who described how great her mother is. She talked about how she kept an incredible home, played with her children, was always patient, never talked about weight or kept a scale in the house, and ultimately did everything right. And that woman described how she was in therapy because of her mom.

She went on to share that her mother was so seemingly perfect that she felt she could never live up to her standard. It’s not that her mother expressed to her “you need to be like me,” but with such an incredible example, this woman saw what her mother was, and felt that she was unable to achieve the same qualities. She felt like she wasn’t good enough because her mom was so great.

Whether you are a great parent or a bad parent, your children will enter adulthood with some scars and issues. This is the nature of life. This does not mean you should not try to be a good parent, but you absolutely should not beat yourself up when you fall short in 2025.

As we look at the New Year, people often make lofty goals about what they will be like. “New year, new me” is a mantra many people repeat every January 1st. And sometimes, people are better in the New Year. They change their diet, they exercise more, they get therapy to manage personal issues, they read more books, and they become better parents.

But sometimes the New Year has new challenges (or even the same old problems) that make being a better parent difficult. Just do the best you can in 2025. If goals motivate you, then make some goals. If goals overwhelm you and make you sad when you fall short, then don’t make goals. I just hope you understand that no matter how good or bad you are as a parent, there are things outside of your control that can lead to issues that your children will have to figure out on their own one day.

Of course we should take responsibility when we fail, apologize for mistakes, and make efforts to change problematic behavior. But the truth is no matter how good of a parent you are your kids will have some junk to work through one day.

As a student pastor I have seen so many seemingly perfect parents have children that make the most erratic and dangerous decisions. Based on what I could see, these parents were doing everything right, and yet their children still ended up partying with the wrong crowd, getting into trouble, or even forming addictions.

On the other hand, as a member of a scholarship panel giving need based awards to students entering college, I have heard story after story of dead beats, drug addicts, and otherwise problematic parents raising kids who were the top of their class. These kids were in all the clubs, lead sports teams to championships, volunteered hundreds of hours, and made the best grades. And their parents sucked.

As much as we think the safety, maturity, and success of our children rides squarely on our shoulders, this truth is that no matter what we do, good or bad, the kids are going to make their own choices. Parenting is hard enough without putting extra pressure on ourselves to be perfect, so give yourself a break this year.

When you lose your temper over something stupid, give yourself a break, apologize, and do the best you can next time to stay calm.

When you feel bad for telling your kid “no” when they asked you to play with them after a long day at work, don’t beat yourself up, and do the best you can next time to say “yes” when they ask.

When you miss a game or performance because work was just too much, let them know you hated to miss that opportunity, and do the best you can next time.

In 2025, many of us will be better parents. Some of us may be a little worse. But ultimately, the only thing we can do is try our best.

Or buy my book

Just Do the Best You Can in 2025